The First Good Day

Today was a good day. I had my first dose of suboxone and I felt amazing all day. Amazing. It was a good day, but a long one too, with another long day to follow and I don’t have much energy to write. I wish I had it in me right now to sing hosannahs about my suboxone experience, but I’m wiped. So we’ll count this post as obligitory and hopefully I can whip up something a bit more poetic next time.

My secret fear: that this can’t last. That the good feeling, the normal feeling, the feeling of being me will wear away – because it’s drug-induced, then is it real? But I will take this day, today was beautiful both inside and out and at least now I know that I had one more good day left in me, which leads me to suspect that there might be quite a few more.

Almost There

The study coordinator just called and said my blood work came back fine and I can come in for my induction tomorrow morning. Woo! That’s one obstacle overcome. Now I just have to hope the suboxone works, and then that I don’t get the placebo in the next part of the study. But still, progress, right?

On other battlefields, DSHS is trying to take away my benefits. It’s like they get a golden egg every time they kick someone off her bennies or something, the lengths they will go to to trip you up. This last round they’re trying to say I don’t work enough hours, which is convenient for them becasue if I did work enough hours I would make too much money and I’d lose my benefits. ARGGGH. Anyway, now I’m on hold again for the millionth time, while they try to figure out why they’re trying to make me participate in a program that I’m exempt from for not one, or two, but three separate reasons.

It gives me a place to channel my anger into though, which is good. And something to think about other than starting this study. Thankfully, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I have to work for the rest of the week, and hopefully that will keep me from too much navel gazing. Oy.

I am a little worried that I won’t be in “moderate w/d” by the time 8 am tomorrow rolls around. I think I’ll be ok, I’m giving myself 24 hours to get there, so. And now, I have to make like a functional person and get ready for work.