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I’m still tapering, still feeling crappy.
You can read more about that at The Second Road…
The tapering is an up and down process. I have some good days, where I feel like I could kick the world’s ass, and then there are days like today where I am definitely on the receiving end of the ass-whoopin.
However. The discomfort I’ve been feeling is nothing like the times I tried to taper myself off opiates in the past (or quit cold-turkey, god forbid). I’m not in bed all day crying and wishing I was either dead or in possession of more drugs. So that’s progress.
I have intermittent headaches and I feel like I have a mild flu that fluctuates in intensity throughout the day. My internal thermostat seems to be off as well. I was cold and bundled up all day today, which is strange for me, and it was high 70’s to low 80’s here today. Weird.
I got up early with C today and got her off to the bus, then came home and read for a bit and fell asleep. J woke me with brunch around 11 or so, and after I ate I spent some time reading and surfing online. Around 3 I was overwhelmingly tired, like falling asleep in my chair tired, so I went back to bed. This evening I took a walk, and now I’m here writing.
Not terribly productive, but I feel like I should give my body the rest it is clearly craving if I’m able to do so. Yesterday I worked and was on my feet for 8 hours, so I’m sure that is a contributing factor in my fatigue today. And J has been really good about getting meals and giving me time and space to do as much nothing as I want or need.
Tomorrow I’m going to go back to the gym. My arm is mostly healed, but I’ll probably just do a cardio workout. We’ll see. Mostly I just want to soak in the hot tub, but once I’m there I’ll break down and get some exercise too. Working out really helps with the w/d symptoms and with my mood and energy levels as well. This time I just need to listen to my body more and not push so hard that I hurt myself. Just typing that out makes it seem like such a no-brainer, but then again it usually is the obvious that escapes me.
Now I’m rockin a headache for which I do not know the cure. These headaches don’t respond to my migraine meds or to otc pain relief. I’m fairly certain that they are related to the Sub w/d’s, since the time I’ve been on Sub has been some of the most headache-free time in my life. Maybe I’ll put an ice pack on my head and see if that helps.
As far as my spirit goes, it is strangely unflagging. I’ve not been one to suffer discomfort stoically in my life, so this is kinda surprising. I guess I’m just ready to push through this over the coming months. While I’m grateful for the space and time Suboxone has given me to get my act together, I feel I’m outgrowing it or gone past it’s usefulness and I’m ready to move on. As always, the trick is finding balance: not pushing too hard too fast or losing my focus and going too slowly. Just like with working out, the key here seems to be slowing down and listening to my body.
I also hope to find some homeopathic or naturopathic support for this process. I’ll probably post more on that soon.
Goodnight!
Want to know how a television cartoon character recently saved my sanity?
Read about it at The Second Road.
Ugh, last month sucked, and so far September hasn’t been too rockin either. But I did start this blog with the hope that it would help me give up my habit of quitting, so here I am.
I’m getting down into the low doses on my Suboxone taper, and it’s…uncomfortable. On the positive side, my sex drive seems to have come back from the dead, hosannah! It’s kind of strange though, when you find yourself lecherously contemplating the dood who drives the yard-waste truck (yes, the garbageman, that is correct) or the neighbor’s friend as he shingles the roof. What is wrong with me?!? Am I going to turn into the proverbial desperate housewife, banging the gardener? As if! Like I’m even married, bah-hahahahah! Or could afford a gardener, woot!
Went to the gym yesterday, and now I can’t fully straighten out my left arm. Convenient, especially since I work today. Who knew how dangerous the bicep-curl machine could really be. The rest of me feels pretty decent though. Now if I can just get back there three or four hundred more times, I might just get in shape. The combo of med withdrawal and a month off from the gym (though I did swim a lot for a couple of those weeks) left me feeling pretty decrepit upon reentry to the world of exercise. Entropy, you suck.
I’m off for my coffee date now – part of my “Back to Living” campaign. I can’t hide in my bedroom forever you know. If you want to read some more of my whining, I have a post up at The Second Road.
Love to you all and my apologies to all my friends who I haven’t called. xoxoxoxo
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